Astronomi-con

Lt. Walke · Alumni Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 164

This is the story of a lone Ork bomber that took on and destroyed 3 cruisers and 12 pricey escorts of the Eldar fleet. And it is a true tale I watched the game meself. And yes I do not let the Eldar player live it down either.

There they were Graznutz Ork Pirate fleet Flying through the asteroids near the Outer Rims when Low and behold the Panziest of the panzies (Eldar Corsairs) came out of nowhere to attack our great and mighty Pirate fleet. Dem der panzies always darting in and out of da fight never staying for a what for. The Graznutz well hez got no luck for da Panzies, good a bashin dem humies just no Eldar.

In Graznutz fashion he orderz da Charge " Crushem wit ur gunz 'mashem wit ur Prows!". That we tried let me tell you 5 krooza's lurched forward wit blinding speed gunz a blazin and in typical Ork fashion we 'it nothin, 'n I mean nuttin. So Graznutz getz madd'r cause dem der panzies slash in wit 3 Shadows and 12 big escorts trying to look real mean like banging up our Kroozas but see we is gotz thick skulls, ya know Prow armor. Dem dem der panzies froo froo away again.

This not good, Graznutz no like being teased. So once again wez do what Graznutz' tells us and charge forth blastin away with everything, and once again we hitz... come on you know it.... thats right bupkiss. Nothin new bout that right, we is Orks. And Graznutz well he getz angrier, {yawn he is so boring see I am Ork pilot d' there is one thing and one thing only that i likez ta do. Fly my Fighta Bomba down der throats gunz a blazin bombs a poopin ziggin 'n zaggin. But Graznutz he no like us much we no listen good we shoot and fly datz it.} cause dem der panzies flash in again and give is krooza a good what 4.

Dis is a good ting cause it looks like Graznutz Ork yellas (radio men) gotz hurt, Graznutz quits yellin "hooza!" and in typical Ork fashion Every Ork krooza Captain does what e does best lets looze wit everyting. Well see I getz to fly on da best Ork krooza out der the 'Pinky Squig', you heard me da 'Pinky Squig'.

Well next ting I know Me and my other pilot boyz is blazing across da galaxy. As usual timing is not an Orkz strong point. Of course you know that means we launched too early right straight smack into the line of fire. "Great Less competition for targets." I say on the yella box. Next thing I know We is a bouncen her and der in right ferocious manner. When me head quits gigglin I notice that after all that Only my wave remained! It is one thing to have less competition and completely another to have no Red shirt orks ta do da dyin for ya. In one volley 3 waves went down most Impressive.

Again the gunz of the Kroozas roar and agin they hitz nuttin. Well no one said goin out in a blaze o glory was going to be painless. I reach forward and kick the throttles full blast Lookin for da real deal. See dem panzies is real sneaky they make you look underder (just made you say under wear hehe) I mean overder when they are overhere. Well as if Gorka had been listening to me wished regarding competition my wing boyz zipped off overder when they shoulda stayed overhere cause that's where da shadow was, right in front of us. Oh well 1 fighta bomba gainst 1 shadow, cruddy odds he ain't got a chance. Blazing in full throttle I drop my bombz and get outta der in case they actually work.

You know what for once they did. That one bomb took down the entire Eldar fleet. All of it not some of it, all of it. Th reserve fleet hadn't arrived yet and it was 2 escorts and a Eclipse cruiser.

See the Eldar player kept his cruisers within 10cm of each other and each squadron of escorts flanked and was completely within 15 cm of the outer cruiser. So what happened was turn 3 orks launch fighters they come up short of the Eldar cruisers. Now although the Eldar corsairs are paper mache you only have a 1 in 6 chance of finding them as ordenance. Not really good odds that being said of all the Ordenance launched only one wave of 3 fighta bombas survived the Eldar shootin phaze. In the Ordenance phaze only 1 of the 3 managed to find the cruiser. Of that a fighta bomb getz d3 bombs he hit once. think about this would you brace 3 cruisers for 3 fighters that probably wont see you and if they do probably wont do any damage I thought not well niether did the Eldar player. Here is where it gets ichy.

The one Fighta Bomba wave got through eldar shooting phase and of that one got through the Holofields of the one bomba that got through he only hit once. This one hit had a pretty good chance of scoring a critical which it does. What is the result? Bulk heads collapse which in turn does enough additional damage to Make her Catastrophic. Normally a hulk is the result is that what happens no he get Warp Drive Implosion. Not good folks the Radius of this explosion is big enough to take out other 2 cruisers and at least a couple of escorts on each side. You would think that is bad enough right? Wrong see the cruisers tried to brace against the Warp Drive implosion they failed and subsequently one took enough 3 damage and a couple of criticals that were enough to go Catastrophic result a Warp Drive Implosion. Guess what it took out the rest of the escorts on its flank did the additional damage to the other cruiser to cause to go catastrophic again with a Warp Drive Implosion. This time finishing off the cruisers on its flank. Just goes to show you that one Fighta bomba with no points value can take out over a 1,000 pts of fleet in one go.

So what do you think is this a tissue of lies or is it just one of those games that no one would ever forget?

Lt.
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Jason F. Kebic

This Dave · Alumni Joined: 24 Aug 2006 Posts: 104

It just sounds like the ancient Eldar saying in action "Weapons of Death, Armor of Kleenx". Smile

BTW, that yellow text was VERY hard to read on my screen.

This Dave

Doc · Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 4:57 pm Post subject:

Very cool - I do miss playing BFG...
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Lt. Walke · Alumni Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 164

Sorry guys. I copy pasted the story from another forum and didn't get a chance to check about the colour, was in a bit of a rush.

Poor Nathan did take quite a beating to his pride and his reputation as a general that day.

Pretty sure it was the last time that he took ordenance for granted, 2+ save still fails sometimes.
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Jason F. Kebic

Xian · Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 3:27 am Post subject:

Awesome!
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sliganian · Alumni Joined: 24 Aug 2006 Posts: 28