Absurdity in the Quran (88 items)

http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/quran/abs/long.html

2: The Cow

Allah commands the angels to worship Adam. They all do, except for Iblis, who becomes a disbeliever. 2:34

Allah stamped wretchedness upon the Jews at the time of Moses because they killed the prophets and disbelieved Allah's revelations. But what prophets could they have killed and what revelations could they have rejected? Most of the prophets and revelations came later, didn't they? 2:61

Allah turned Sabbath breakers into apes. 2:65-66

To settle a murder mystery, Allah brought a murder victim back to life by hitting his dead body with a piece of the yellow cow. The risen man then identified his murderer! 2:72-3

Allah makes a man "die" for 100 years, and then brings him back to life. 2:259

To show how he gives life to the dead, Allah tells Abraham to cut up the bodies of four birds, scatter their remains on four hills, and then call to them. Allah says that the dead birds will come quickly to Abraham. 2:260
4: The Women

If you get dirty (by touching a woman or something), and can't find any clean water around at prayer time, you can clean up by rubbing your face and hands in some clean dirt. 4:43

Christians and Jews must believe what Allah has revealed to Muhammad or Allah will turn them into apes, as he did the Sabbath-breakers. (See 2:65-66) 4:47

If the Quran was not from Allah its critics would find some mistakes in it. 4:82

Allah will also cause them to cut the catttle's ears and change Allah's creation. (This is interpreted to mean that Muslim men must not shave their beards, and Muslim women must not pluck their eyebrows.) 4:119

Jesus was not crucified. (It just looked like he was.) 4:157-8
5: The Table Spread

When it's time to pray and you have just used the toilet or touched a woman, be sure to wash up. If you can't find any water, just rub some dirt on yourself. 5:6

Allah has turned some people into apes and swine. 5:60

Jesus made a bird out of clay that flew away when he blew on it. 5:110

The Christian Trinity is the Father, Mother, and Son. 5:116
6: The Cattle

Pets are people, too! 6:38

Allah guided Noah, David, Elisha, and Lot on a good and righteous path. 6:84-87

Allah created 6:the jinn but he is not in partnership with them. 6:100

Allah appointed jinns to be the adversaries of prophets. 6:112

Jinns have led many humans astray. 6:128

The jinn were disbelievers. 6:130
7: The Heights

Allah commanded the angels to worship Adam. They all did except for Iblis. 7:11

Entire nations of the jinn have been tormented with fire. 7:38

When Allah revealed himself to Moses, the mountain came crashing down. 7:143

The golden calf mooed. 7:148

Allah turns humans into apes! 7:166
8: The Spoils of War

Exhort the believers to fight. They will win easily, because disbelievers are without intelligence. 8:65
9: Repentance

"The Jews say: Ezra is the son of Allah." (Where and when did any Jew ever say that?) 9:30

"They have taken as lords ... their rabbis and their monks."
Jews and Christians consider rabbis and monks to be partners with God? How do Muslims treat Muhammad? 9:31

Invisible armies!
Allah supported Muhammad with armies that no one else could see. 9:40
10: Jonah

The Quran is so perfect it could never be invented. Go ahead and try to write a Surah as great as those in the Quran. 10:37-38

The Pharaoh became a Muslim just before he drowned. 10:90

"And We verily did allot unto the Children of Israel a fixed abode."
Really? Then why do modern Muslims object to Jews occupying the land (Israel) that Allah gave them? 10:93
11: Hud

A test for those who suspect that Muhammad invented the Quran: compose ten surahs like those in the Quran. (It shouldn't be hard to do much better than surahs 38, 40, 44, 47, 63, 66, 88, 105, 111, and 114.) 11:13

Allah created the heavens and earth in six days and set his throne upon water in order to test people to see who behaved better. 11:7

Allah will fill hell with humans and jinn. 11:119
15: Al-Hijr

Allah created the jinn from fire. 15:27

Allah commanded the angels to worship Adam. They all did except for Iblis. 15:28-31
17: The Children of Israel

How many generations Allah has destroyed since Noah! 17:17

Allah will destroy every town before the Day of Resurrection. 17:58

Humans and 17:jinn working together could not produce the Quran. 17:88
19: Mary

Mary complains to a palm tree about the pains of childbirth. The tree tells her to shake its trunk and ripe dates will fall. 19:23-25

Mary, the mother of Jesus, was the sister of Aaron. (Apparently, Muhammad confused Mary with Miriam.) 19:27-28
20: Ta Ha

Moses turns his staff into a serpent. 20:18-20

The golden (or saffron-colored) calf mooed. 20:88

In Genesis (3:22-24), Adam and Eve are driven out of the Garden of Eden before eating from the "Tree of Life" and thereby becoming immortal. But here they eat from "the tree of immortality and power" -- yet they don't become immortal or powerful, they become ashamed of their nakedness. Why? 20:120-1
21: The Prophets

Allah gave judgment and knowledge to Lot. He was a righteous man. (Genesis 19:7-38) 21:75

Every person alive at the time of the flood was evil. So Allah drowned them all. 21:77
26: The Poets

Moses turns his staff into a snake and makes his hand turn white. 26:32

Moses throws his staff down and it swallows the wizards' staffs. 26:45

Stay away from poets. The erring follow them. 26:224
27: The Ant

With Allah's help, Moses turns his staff into a snake (or a demon). 27:10

For his second magic trick, Moses turns his hand white (with Allah's help, of course). 27:12

Solomon was taught the language of birds. 27:16

The Jinn and birds fought in Solomon's army. 27:17

Talking ants! 27:18

Solomon talks to the ants. 27:19

Solomon is upset that the hoopee is not among the birds in his army. 27:20

Solomon says he'll kill the hoopee unless he has a good excuse for his absence. 27:21
28: The Story

Moses, with Allah's help, turns his staff into a demon (which he then runs away from) and makes his hand turn white. 28:31-32
29: The Spider

Noah was 950 years old at the time of the flood. [Genesis (7:11) says he was only 600.] 29:14

Lot is among the righteous. 29:26-27
33: The Clans

Allah offered the heavens, earth, and hills the the duty of worshiping him, but they were afraid and refused. So humans got the job instead. 33:72
34: Saba

Allah gave Solomon some of the jinn to work for him. 34:12

Everyone followed Satan except for a group of true believers. 34:20

Those who worshipped the jinn will taste the doom of the Fire. 34:41
37: Those Who Set the Ranks

Those in hell must eat from a tree with the heads of devils, and then drink boiling water. After that they return to hell. 37:62-68

Jonah was swallowed by a fish. 37:142
38: Sad

David was an excellent slave of Allah. 38:30

Allah made the wind obey Solomon. 38:34-36

Job kicked the ground and immediately a spring flowed out. 38:41-2

The angels worshipped humans, except for Iblis, who became one of the disbelievers. 38:73-4

Iblis asks Allah to let him hang around and mislead humans. Allah allows him to do so, and Iblis leads all humans to hell except for the single-minded slaves. Allah agrees, and plans to fill hell with Iblis and his followers. 38:79-85
40: The Believer

Thus does Allah send astray the disbelievers (in his guidance). 40:74
42: Counsel

If bad stuff happens to you, it's your own fault. 42:30, 42:48
44: Smoke

Those in hell must eat from a tree like molten brass that burns their bellies. Then boiling water will be poured on their heads. 44:43-48
49: The Private Apartments

Do not lift your voice when in Muhammad's presence. Those who subdue their voices are righteous and will receive an immense reward from Allah. 49:1-3

Would you like to eat the flesh of your dead brother? 49:12
51: The Winnowing Winds

Accursed are the conjecturers who ask: When is the Day of Judgment? It is the day they will be tormented by the Fire. 51:10-14
55: The Beneficent

Allah created the jinn out of smokeless fire. 55:15
66: Banning

The wives of Noah and Lot (who were both righteous) betrayed their husbands and are now in the Fire. 66:10
67: The Sovereignty

Allah made the stars as missiles to throw at devils. 67:5
68: The Pen

When disbelievers hear the Quran, they roll their eyes and say "he [Muhammad] is indeed mad." 68:51
69: The Reality

At the end of the world the earth with the mountains will be lifted up and crushed with one crash. 69:14
85: The Mansion of the Stars

Disbelievers live in denial. 85:19
86: The Morning Star

The Quran "is a conclusive word." 86:13
105: The Elephant

Allah dealt with the owners of the elephant by sending swarms of "flying creatures". 105:1-3
107: Small Kindnesses

Only religious people help orphans or those in need. 107:1-3

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"The conversion of the entire population to Islam and the extinction of every form of dissent is the ideal of the Muslim State - This is Islamic Peace"

A moderate Moslem is one who sends others blow themselves up.